Heartbreak, one step at a time.

In September of 2014, I got a letter from a man wanting to be my pen pal. Over the course of six months we wrote each other almost daily. A friendship had formed between us that I felt was solid. Over the course of the next couple months, I had developed feelings for him and he said he felt the same way. I had helped him out when he needed, well anything. I was glad to help because I loved him and I thought he loved me too. On the phone we talked about everything from the mundane to our future and dreams.It was a long distance relationship and we were both counting the days until we could finally be together. Or at least, I thought “we” both had the same feelings. When I would doubt myself or my own self-worth he always knew what to say to make me feel like I was the prettiest woman in the world. He made me feel like what I had to say was the most important words ever spoken. I had never posted a picture of myself online, ever until him. He made me feel safe enough to come out of my self-imposed cage. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the universe. All he had to do was same my name and I would melt. I was happy to listen to him talk about any and everything, as long as he was in my life I was happy. I felt complete, whole. He was the last thing I thought of when I went to sleep and the first thing when I woke up. Then on the day he was suppose to call and make arrangements about meeting each other, our future and everything he never called. Nothing. I was worried and scared that something had happened to him. Then out of the blue I looked him on Facebook and there he was… perfectly fine. I sent him a couple messages..no reply.. I sent him a friend request and he blocked me. I was stunned and heartbroken. How could he do this to me? How could I have been so blind and foolish? Everyone warned me but I didn’t listen because I felt this connection with this man. I am completely shattered. I feel the loss deep in my soul.

I cannot allow myself to give up. I have to fight my way out of the darkness that I have found myself in. All I can I do is take one breath at a time and push on.