Sometimes when we are confronted with our mortality, we become lost in the moment. We forget that even though at that exact moment we feel as though our whole world has crashed around us, we still have many more moments ahead of us. Even though we may feel like we are drowning in a pit of despair. Or at least that is how I feel here lately.
I feel like I am being stretched too thin. Too many people want me to be something for them, a mother, sister, aunt, spouse, friend and etc. I have gotten lost in the shuffle and do not know my way back. I feel like at times I do know how to be just Jeannie. I rarely have even twenty minutes of being alone. I think that is the thing that is bothering the most here lately. I am not allowed to just be me. To not be responsible for someone else or deal with someone else’s drama, issues or problems. I just want twenty minutes of absolute quietness. The only problem with that is my mind is going in several different directions at the same time and nothing seems to calm my mind enough to be quiet. I just want to scream, but I am afraid that if I start screaming I won’t stop.
Enough of all that depressing thoughts. I never did finish High School. I got pregnant with Matt and ended up not being able to continue going to school. I have been saying every year that I will get my diploma/GED and never follow through with it. Well, I signed up yesterday. I finally found a program I could do from home, since I am unable at the current time to leave the house. I start next week and yes, I am nervous. As soon as I get my HS Diploma I am going to go to college. Yah me! We will see how it works out though.
I have got two more books to beta read and a long list waiting on reviews. So, this weekend I am gonna spend my nose buried in books. Or at least that is the plan.
Till Next Time… Take care of yourself and smile..
